I may not be cut out for academia

I had this evening earmarked for asking a PI to apply for a personal grant with me, and catching up on my Coursera. It's a quarter to eleven, and so far I have flitted anxiously between social media sites, eaten all the chocolate I bought to fuel myself through the taxing process of writing a several-sentence email asking someone to invest time in me, and clicked 'Compose'.

Oh, and I've written everything you're read this far! So I feel like there's something to be said for that.

The problem with waiting this long is that my process of emailing people for a job involves writing a self-flagellating email about how great they are and how I don't deserve to work for them and apologising for even contacting them, and saying how it's perfectly understandable if they don't want to take me on, then paring away the grovelling until I sound like a functional, employable human. Unfortunately, the more I let it twist and turn in my mind the higher a level of apologies and self-deprecation I'm going to have to work down from. Currently, no-one will hire me from my first draft of an email because it will sound as though I'll spend all my time lying on the floor of the lab, wailing with self-loathing, not getting any work done and making people step across me.*

Dear Professor C,

I contacted you previously about the possibility of undertaking a PhD in your lab. As you may be aware, the deadline for the submission of applications to IRCSET is next month, and I was wondering if you would consider applying with me. I know you didn't reply to my email asking if it would help if I looked for personal grants elsewhere, and you probably would have contacted me if you wanted me in your lab and thought I had a chance of getting an IRCSET grant, and - oh. I see how it is. I'm sorry for wasting your time.

Best regards,

Jennifer

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Dear Professor C,

As you may know, the deadline for applying to IRCSET is next month. I probably wouldn't get it, but I thought you might like to apply with me. There's only one award though, and I hear the application is quite hefty, and I understand if you're busy. I'd be very enthusiastic about working in your lab, but it's perfectly fine if you'd rather not have me!

Looking forward to hearing from you, unless you're too busy, in which case I'll take your silence as a no, and also I made you a cake,

Jennifer

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Dear Professor C,

I really enjoyed my time in your lab before Christmas, and was wondering if you would consider applying for a personal grant with me. You won't even know I'm there, honestly. I won't even need a desk, I can just sit at a box in the corner. Of course, if you secretly think my work was terrible but are too nice to say so, I will completely understand.

All the best,

Jennifer

P.S. I'm not sure if you realised, but the Santa Hat I gave you as a Christmas thank-you was handmade. Just to say.

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Dear Professor C,

OH GOD, I'M SORRY, DON'T LOOK AT ME.

I look forward to hearing from you.

All the best,

Jennifer

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On the plus side, it's not too late to find a nice cave in  the woods and live off whatever squirrels I can trap. If I only trap the grey squirrels I'd be doing an ecological service, too. It's comforting to have a fall-back option.

*I am good at lab-work! I got a First in my thesis project, and it dragged my overall grade up to a First, and I am good at seeing how the literature connects together! I just worry about sounding arrogant in unsolicited emails, and so I throw myself wholeheartedly in the polar opposite direction.

Back to work amárach.

A few weeks ago I stocked up on relatively cheap yarn. I used the Noro Aya to make a few circle scarves.

This colourway reminds me of the sea.

It's hard to describe just how much I like this yarn.

This one reminds me of the seashore, which is slightly different.

Just... learn to knit if you don't know how, and then make something with it, and you will understand. I've held on to one skein for myself. I don't know what I'll make with it, but it would have made me sad to give it all away if it won't be on sale in Dublin in the future.

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I am making another pair of flip-top fingerless gloves

but this time I'm writing down the pattern. Foresight!

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A Christmas present! Going to own so many socks.  The box includes trilobite socks - my loves of knitting and long-extinct animals can be combined at last! (Or "again", but in a practical way this time!)

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Meeting a PI tomorrow to discuss possibilities ("job"?  Did he mean to type "job"? I hope so.  Those letters are very close together.) for next year. Only three of his papers are available for free on PubMed, and they're rather old ones. Hopefully he's more interested in what use I can be than what I already know about a field I haven't worked in.

wip: Sister's jumper

I finished a commissioned hat of my own design on Friday, took photos on Saturday, wrote the pattern up just now, and was all set to post when I realised the photos were rushed and wonky-looking.  So I'll try to take better ones to go with the pattern.

In the meantime, this is the jumper I'm making for my sister.

My garden has daisies and we nearly had sun!

The patern is the same one I made for my first jumper, the Allegoro Scoop-neck Pullover.  The yarn is Louisa Harding Ianthe, which is a mix of cotton and merino.  It feels at once cool and snuggly.  Cotton is some sort of magical fibre.

I've reached the slightly unfortunate stage where the pattern is no longer nothing but mindless stockinette stitch, and the piece is getting a bit big to fit into my knitting penguin.  I'm not sure whether I'll bring it into work tomorrow or not.  I have nothing else small to work on though, so I probably will, my hands like to have something to do, so it will probably make me less annoying to be around.  (I finished a ball of wool half-way through a day of nothing much in work last week.  It was quite distressing.)

My knitting penguin, here seen wearing the start of the cupcake hat.

In other news, I am just about back on solid foods!  It's a pretty exciting time for me.

FOs: Hoodie and Amy Gloves

I had all four wisdom teeth removed on Friday, and these photos were taken on Monday, which is why it looks like I suddenly gained a lot of weight in my face.  (The swelling on the left side has gone down more than the right, so I'm still a bit swollen and lopsided.  I also have to rinse with warm salt-water every time I eat.  I don't like eating enough to make myself do that too often.  On the upside, I have progressed to eating soup with a soup spoon, rather than a tea-spoon!)

I'm told it's a perfect fit on the recipient.  Not so good on me but very snuggly.

Puffy face.

I dyed my hair purplish post-exams, but it's already starting to fade.  I might get it done properly next time I get my hair cut - my hair is quite dark, so if I do it myself I have to go for something dark enough to show up, and it'd be nice to go for something brighter.  Maybe red!

This is the ribbed border of the hood.  The ribbed pattern is one I hadn't come across before (p1k1 on the purl side, k the knit side).  It's simple, but a little different, and I like it.

I've mentioned the hoodie and it's details in other posts, but I'm a fan of giving credit where it's due!  The pattern is most Skully, but I used Under the Hoodie, both from the first Stitch 'n' Bitch book to work out how to make the hood.  The pocket is the result of my own foostering.  James C. Brett chunky acrylic yarn on 6.5mm needles, yup yup.

I finally finished my Amy gloves!  I didn't have much to do for my first week in the lab, but I did have my own desk, so I spent a lot of free time knitting while I read papers for my mod project proposal.

 I've already chronicled my misfortunes with these gloves, but there was one yet to come after I left off last time.  While read-knitting, I didn't pay proper attention and got most of the way through a second left glove.  It was a better fit than the first one though, so I finished it, frogged the first one and re-knit it as a right glove while watching films with a giant puffy face.

Here is the pattern...

Here is the colour.

The pattern is does it every bother you that your life doesn't make [any] sense?, and the yarn is Debbie Bliss Rialto.  I have a lot left over, though not enough to make a pair for my mum who's very taken with them.

I need to improve at accessorising, if only because I can't wear anything I've made for myself until the weather gets colder.